Hi, all. Just checking in real quick to say that I’m still here. And I still have so much to say. But apparently finishing a dissertation is sort of all-consuming. My life consists of writing, yoga, and watching Grey’s Anatomy, because that show is at just about the height of my intellectual capacity after a day of writing, revising, and polishing up this monster. Which means the brain space that it takes to organize a post around a specific theme and say something that is hopefully mildly interesting is mostly in use until this thing is done. Sometime after Thanksgiving things should be back to normal.
I will say that finishing the diss has been seducing me a bit back to academia. I am not teaching this quarter, so writing is my only task. And since I’m not on the job market, and not pursuing this career long term, I am not cranking out job letters, or trying to keep up with journals, or researching for a new article, or any of the other non teaching and writing tasks that take up so much of an academic’s time. Sometimes I forget that this is not what it’s always like and I sit at my kitchen table, and put the final touches on chapters and think, gosh this is kind of nice. And then I remember how much harder writing is when I have a million other things to do. And that I feel guilty spending time on my students because I’m not spending it on my own work, and guilty when I’m doing my own work because I’m neglecting my students. And then I know I made the right decision. Just have to keep that going and not get sucked back in.
My other little nugget for the day is that I was having dinner with friends last night. One of whom is not an academic, and one of whom is in a science program but thinking of leaving. The Scientist and I were talking about our next career plans and then I whined suddenly and violently about how I didn’t know how much information about a new career would be enough for me to feel comfortable with a decision. He said that that point would never come and eventually you just have to make a decision. And then I whined some more about the fact that that was what I did with grad school and I didn’t want to waste more of my life before I got there. And the smarty non-academic said, “There is no there to get to. It’s all just forward progress, until you die.”